I'm writing you to catch you up on places I've been
You held this letter probably got excited,
But there's nothing else inside it

Didn't have a camera by my side this time
Hoping I would see the world with both my eyes
Maybe I will tell you all about it
When I'm in the mood
To lose my way
With words

Today skies are painted colours of a cowboy's cliche
And strange how clouds that look like mountains
In the sky are next to mountains anyway

Didn't have a camera by my side this time
Hoping I would see the world with both my eyes
Maybe I will tell you all about it
When I'm in the mood
To lose my way but let me say

You should have seen that sunrise
With your own eyes
It brought me back to life
You'll be with me next time I go outside
No more 3x5's

Guess you had to be there
Guess you had to be with me
Today I finally overcame
Tryin' to fit the world inside a picture frame
Maybe I will tell you all about it
When I'm in the mood
To lose my way but let me say

You should have seen that sunrise
With your own eyes
It brought me back to life
You'll be with me next time I go outside
No more 3x5's
Just no more 3x5's

* * * * * * * *

I was listening to this song today. It's one of my favourites by John Mayer (although, let's face it, I love everything he sings). But I think I have a soft spot for this particular song, because I've got a 'history' with it, so to speak.

When I was first driving to Rhodes University, in February 2004, headed to orientation week and a completely scary, unknown world, John Mayer was in the car with me the whole way there. It was near the end of the 6 hour trip, and 3x5 was playing, and it just so happened that we were in the most beautiful part of the drive..the outskirts of Grahamstown, with rolling hills and gorgeous landscapes, and everything was the most indescribable shade of green. And that was exactly it - everything was indescribable in its beauty, and it fit perfectly with the message of 3x5: you can't capture real beauty in a picture frame. I remember this one part where John has a piano solo during the song, and the music kind of swells, and it coincided with the exact moment I drove around a bend on the mountain road, and as I came round that bend I could see this huge expanse of beautiful mountains, carrying on for as far as my eyes could see. The music fit the moment so well, it felt orchestrated. I felt so lucky that I was going to be living in such a beautiful place, that I had found this university nestled between sweeping mountains and the Indian Ocean. Twas a great moment. :)

I've been thinking about when I first came to Rhodes. I had NO idea what I was getting myself into, and I was completely unprepared. It's weird, I didn't feel nervous about leaving home until the night before I actually did...suddenly I realised, whoa this phase is over baby, from tomorrow you don't live here anymore!! "You can't come home again"...it's SO true. Home is great, it's nice to see family and eat decent food again, but really it's never the same again, is it?

But you know something, I don't think that's only the case with leaving your childhood home. I think the concept of "home" is actually a very fluid one. Now, 4 years later, Grahamstown is my home. As much of a home as my childhood home was, with as close a family. But I'm leaving it soon, and I can never come back again. It will never be the same. Something will be missing, and I'll never be able to put my finger on it. I'll be going to Edinburgh, and that will become my new home. Then I'll leave that place, and move on to another home, and Edinburgh will be one more home I'll never be able to return to. It's weird, like you can go home and hang out with old friends in the same old coffee shops, and its all so familiar, but at the same time its so violently not-the-same, and you wonder if you've stepped into a parallel universe.

Maybe it's because we weren't meant to get too comfortable on Earth, in this life. :)

Do I have any regrets, from my time here? A few. Maybe a lot, I'm not really sure. I'm sad about the way a few of my friendships have turned out. I'm sad I didn't stay in res another year - but generally, that regret is fleeting. :) Ahhh, you know what I'm really sad about? I never got to share this home of mine with anyone from my "other life"...none of my friends from Lesotho, or the states. I wish I could have had that...for Todd to come for a weekend, or Kevin, or Jill. Marc. Tiffany. Rachel. Anyone, really...I just would have liked to see my lives converge at some stage, for my older friends to meet my newer ones. But alas!! Twas not on the cards.

Just cast away, I'm lost at sea, I'm alone, no one here but me...rescue me before I fall...I'll send an SOS to the world...I hope that someone gets my message in a bottle...

John Mayer makes me peaceful.

Peace out. :)

JennyBean